vol. i #28

Happy Holidays
And a happier New Year
Now where're my presents?

vol. i #27

A civics lesson:
Mick Jagger may be a knight
But Keith Richards rules

vol. i #26

Hunter S. Thompson
Co-created Nash Bridges
With ol' Don Johnson

vol. i #25

Gob gobble gobble
The turkey used to say that
Before I ate it

vol. i #24

Brits can't protest Bush
Or al Qaeda might attack?
You'd think they'd like it

vol. i #23

Where's my dial tone?
Bill's paid, the line's connected
Phone man's on my "list"

vol. i #22

Dracula, Wolf Man
La Momia Azteca
None could stop Santo

vol. i #21

Looking for his fix
Cuckoo for those Cocoa Puffs
Crazy bird Sonny

vol. i #20

Reading minds is hard
Working turn signals is not
Use yours when driving

vol. i #19

Japanese haiku
Is measured in characters
Not syllables, man

vol. i #18

Bootleg cigarettes
Come to me from Switzerland
Still deadly, but cheap

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Inspired by the sweet, technically illegal cigarette deals that were once available from Yesmoke.com.

vol. i #17

No career for him
Without girls in tight dresses
Palmer was a fraud

vol. i #16

The tambourine man
He don't play no songs for me
Just for the hippies

vol. i #15

Folsom prison blues
Won't trouble Johnny no more
Man in Black is gone

vol. i #14

Spinning on their heads
'Round and 'round on cardboard mats
Breakdancers are cool

vol. i #13

Evil death merchant
Warmongering hypocrite
George W. Bush

vol. i #12

Roses are named red
Violets are known to be blue
Haiku gives no rhymes

vol. i #11

Please be courteous
And yield to faster traffic
When in the left lane

vol. i #10

Scientists declare
A monkey shortage slows work
Who would've guessed that?

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Inspired by actual August 9, 2003 CNN.com front page headline, “Scientists: Monkey shortage slows work.”

vol. i #9

A poet might say
My haiku is terrible
But what do they know?

vol. i #8

Good old Fat Albert
How old do you think he was
When his girth killed him?

vol. i #7

He had the bling-bling
And was called Liberace
But now he's just dead

----------
Inspired by Shelley's "Ozymandias."

vol. i #6

Wino drinking wine
Stumbling, he says, "Spare change?"
I say, "No thank you"

vol. i #5

Broken water pipe
Flooding out my bathroom floor
No time for donuts

vol. i #4

Red-suited fat man
Silent thug for the heavy
On Live and Let Die

vol. i #3

The midgets don't care
About noodles on my plate
They just want to dance

vol. i #2

The monkey has fleas
A pair, we watch the sunrise
Dolphin Football rules

vol. i #1

My frog jumps on the red truck
He likes to smile
I wish cigarettes were free

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Admittedly, the above's 7/5/7 syllable structure precludes it from being traditional American haiku. Sue me.