you've taken the first steps on the path to blessed enlightenment

Greetings, truth-seekers. It's me, The Haiku Master, here to welcome you to Friday Haiku -- the Official Internet Repository of my Timeless Wisdom!

What's Friday Haiku, you ask? It's a more-or-less weekly email list which, appropriately enough, contains haiku and is usually mailed out on Fridays by my worldwide crimefighting organization, Haiku International. Why do we do it? To disrupt greedy capitalistic workplaces while converting new disciples to the ancient art of haiku... and I'm pleased to report the plan is working to perfection.

But enough of that -- you people came here for haiku, not prose, no matter how silky-smooth it reads. Use the links on the right to bask in my glorious wisdom: Volume I contains my original hundred-'ku effort, from June 6, 2003-June 10, 2005, and the mind-boggling truths continue in Volume II, launched on January 6, 2006, by popular demand. And if you want to get all-new, pipin'-hot Friday Haiku delivered to your workplace inbox on a somewhat regular basis, just drop me a line at thehaikumaster@verizon.net.

In the meantime, enjoy all the free haiku.

Best,

vol. ii #28

Happy Halloween
Don’t stay out too late or the
Zombies will eat you

vol. ii #27

Not on my "likes" list:
Getting caught in the rain and
Pina coladas

vol. ii #26

No new versions of
American Graffiti
What’s up with that, George?

vol. ii #25

‘#
*$@
:&

vol. ii #24

I’ve had it with these
Motherf---ing snakes on this
Motherf---ing plane*

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Haiku adaptation of Snakes on a Plane. And no, Samuel L. Jackson didn’t pay me to write it.

vol. ii #23

Duck-walking demon
Gibson screaming, eyes rolled back
Angus brings the rock

vol. ii #22

So long, Kenny Boy
Be sure to warm up a seat
For your friend George Bush

vol. ii #21

Is your carpet stained?
Pour on some Colt 45
It works every time

vol. ii #20

Ice-T has his nerve
Tying himself into three
Haiku in a row

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See Friday Haiku (vol. 2) #18 & #19.

vol. ii #19

Was "Breakin'" better
Than "Electric Boogaloo?"
That’s a tough question

vol. ii #18

Got my ski mask on
I’m ‘bout to bust some shots off
Die, die, die pig, die

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Haiku adaptation of Body Count’s “Cop Killer.”

vol. ii #17

Tacos, tequila
Santo y Blue Demon, más
Viva Mexico

vol. ii #16

No walls can hold him
Pitcher of himself in hand
OH YEAAHH!, Kool-Aid Man

vol. ii #15

I'm sick of hearing
"No shirt, no shoes, no service"
When I'm dining out

vol. ii #14

Easter time again
Zombie savior walks the earth
With candy for all

vol. ii #13

Terrorists? Cheap punks
I miss the C.C.C.P.
They had class, and nukes

vol. ii #12

"Get her out of here,
She makes too much noise," said fat
Fatty Arbuckle

vol. ii #11

Chuck Norris is tough
But this Fact is the truest:
Bruce Lee kicked his ass

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In response to ChuckNorrisFacts.com, all of which are actually true facts about Master Lee.

vol. ii #10

Boring, so boring
Like two old men in a fight
Baseball is the pits

vol. ii #9

Get away from me
I don't need your war machine
Nor your ghetto scenes

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Haiku adaptation of The Guess Who's "American Woman."

vol. ii #8

Looks, acts and smell like
An int'rest conflict? Then it's
An int'rest conflict

vol. ii #7

Dick Cheney has sex
With goats and donkeys and pigs
Whoops, I meant his wife

vol. ii #6

This haiku stuff is
Easy now that I've hired
An ace ghostwriter

vol. ii #5

Go ahead and try
You cannot exceed my need
For ol' Jerry Reed

vol. ii #4

Yo ho yo ho yo
Ho yo ho yo ho yo ho
Pirate's life for me

vol. ii #3

Top dog no longer
His shit is old and busted
Ozymandias

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Haiku adaptation of Shelley’s “Ozymandias.”

vol. ii #2

Pity the giraffe
It's a real freak of nature
With that weird long neck

vol. ii #1

Curdled, hardened milk
To my mouth from cows' bellies
Damn straight I love cheese